Letting Go as the Healthiest Option
From childhood, we grow up hearing the same messages: “Don’t give up,” “Be consistent,” or “Keep struggling.”
Of course, perseverance is necessary for success.
But were we ever taught where we should stop?
When does holding on stop being brave and start becoming self-destruction?
In my long experience and during psychological counseling, the biggest problem I have seen is attachment.
Whether it is to a broken relationship, an unsatisfying job, or a bitter past experience.
Most people live with the illusion that letting go means being weak.
But the truth is exactly the opposite.
Both psychology and medical science confirm that when something is continuously harming your mental and physical health,
letting go becomes the healthiest option.
In this article, we will not rely only on emotion or philosophy.
We will discuss, based on science and facts, why, when, and how to let go.
Table of Content
- Letting Go as the Healthiest Option
- Why We Can’t Let Go? (The Psychology of Holding On)
- When to Let Go? (Red Flags and Signs)
- What Should We Let Go Of? (Major Areas of Life)
- 5. The Benefits of Letting Go: What Does Science Say?
- Practical Guidance: How to Let Go? (The How-To Guide)
- 7. A Cultural Perspective (Eastern Insights)
- 8. Case Studies (Representative Real Examples)
- Conclusion
- Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Why We Can’t Let Go? (The Psychology of Holding On)
Before solving any problem, we must understand its root.
Why do we cling even to things that hurt us?
There are deep psychological and biological reasons behind this.
a) Fear of Losing Our Investment (The Sunk Cost Fallacy)
This is a well-known concept in behavioral economics and psychology.
Human nature works like this: if someone has already invested time, money, or emotions into something, they do not want to leave
it even when it stops giving results.
Example: a 10-year relationship that has become toxic, but people continue to suffer because they fear “those 10 years will be wasted.”
Research shows this is not because of hope for future improvement.
It is because of love for past investment.
b) Familiar Pain and the Fear of the Unknown (Fear of the Unknown)
The human brain wants safety.
For the brain, what is known feels safe, even if it is painful.
What is unknown feels frightening.
According to neuroscience, the amygdala interprets change as danger.
So, people choose the certainty of old slavery over the uncertainty of new freedom.
c) Identity Crisis
We often turn our pain or roles into our identity.
“I am a victim,” “I am someone who can tolerate anything.”
If we let go of that pain or person, an existential question arises: “Then who am I?”
When to Let Go? (Red Flags and Signs)
When do you realize that enough is enough?
As an expert, I present some research-supported red flags.
1. When Your Body Starts Saying No (Physiological Signs)
The mind can lie, but the body never lies.
According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, the author of The Body Keeps the Score, continuous stress gets stored in the body.
Symptoms: unexplained headaches, digestive problems (IBS), heaviness in the chest, or insomnia.
If even thinking about a person or situation makes you feel exhausted, it is time to let go.
2. When a Relationship or Situation Becomes One-Sided (Reciprocity Imbalance)
Social psychology recognizes the Law of Reciprocity.
A healthy relationship or workplace requires balance in giving and receiving.
If only you are trying, only you are compromising, and there is no initiative from the other side, you are not maintaining a relationship.
You are maintaining an illusion.
3. When You Are Losing Your Core Values
Are you sacrificing your self-respect, morality, or happiness just to please others?
When staying in a place requires you to “kill yourself from within,” understand this clearly.
That place is not for you.
4. When Hope Is Not Based on a Plan but on Imagination
“One day everything will be fine” is hope.
But if there is no plan or basis for how it will become fine, that is delusion.
If facts repeatedly show that a person or situation is not going to change, yet you continue to expect magic, it is time to let go.
What Should We Let Go Of? (Major Areas of Life)
Letting go does not mean only letting go of people.
It also means letting go of thoughts, habits, and expectations.
a) Toxic Relationships
According to a study from Harvard Medical School, toxic relationships increase the risk of heart disease and shorten lifespan.
Relationships filled with criticism, humiliation, and manipulation should be left behind.
This is not selfishness.
It is self-preservation.
b) Regrets of the Past
“If only I had not done that” is a thought that eats the present.
Research shows that rumination, thinking about the same thing repeatedly, can lead to depression.
The past is already dead.
Carrying it is like carrying a corpse.
c) The Need for Control
Much of our stress comes from trying to control others or circumstances.
Stoicism teaches that wisdom lies in separating what we can control from what we cannot.
Other people’s behavior is not in your control.
Let that go.
d) Unrealistic Expectations
Expecting perfection from yourself or others.
The belief “I must never fail” increases anxiety.
5. The Benefits of Letting Go: What Does Science Say?
What happens in the body and brain when you release emotional burdens?
Let’s look at the evidence.
1. Reduced Cortisol Levels
During stress, the body produces the hormone cortisol.
When you leave a stressful situation, cortisol levels drop.
This helps stabilize blood pressure, supports weight control, and improves heart health.
2. Neuroplasticity and New Pathways
As long as you are stuck in the old, your brain’s neurons keep moving along the same route.
When you let go and focus on new things, the brain builds new neural pathways.
This can make you more creative and better at problem-solving.
3. Better Immunity
Studies in psychoneuroimmunology show that suppressing negative emotions or staying in long-term stress weakens the immune system.
Removing emotional burdens strengthens the body’s ability to fight disease.
Practical Guidance: How to Let Go? (The How-To Guide)
This is the most important part of the article.
Knowing the idea is one thing.
Applying it in life is another.
Here is a step-by-step framework recommended from a clinical perspective.
Step 1: Radical Acceptance
The first step is acceptance.
“Yes, this happened. Yes, this relationship ended. Yes, I am in pain.”
Practice: Stand in front of a mirror and say, “I accept this situation as it is.”
Denial prolongs pain.
Acceptance opens the path to solutions.
Step 2: Feel it to Heal it
Letting go does not mean suppressing emotions.
Cry, shout, or write.
Journaling therapy: Write all your anger, complaints, and pain in a notebook.
Science confirms that putting emotions into words reduces amygdala activity.
Step 3: Detachment of Identity
Your experience and you are not the same.
Instead of saying “I failed,” say “This attempt I made failed.”
You are not failure.
Instead of saying “He left me,” say “Our paths have separated now.”
Step 4: Forgiveness (For Yourself)
Many people think forgiveness means freeing the other person from blame.
No.
Forgiveness means killing the hope that the past will change.
As long as you keep anger toward someone, you remain mentally tied to them.
Forgive them so you can be free.
Most importantly, forgive yourself.
Step 5: Change the Environment and the No Contact Rule
If this is about a relationship or addiction, neuroscience emphasizes that changing the environment is essential.
Unfollow on social media.
Delete old messages.
Remove physical objects that trigger memories.
If the eyes do not see, the mind slowly forgets.
Step 6: Fill the Void Healthily
After letting go, a void appears in life.
This is the most dangerous time, because people may return to old patterns.
Fill this space with new skills, exercise, meditation, or social service.
7. A Cultural Perspective (Eastern Insights)
We are Nepali, and our culture holds deep approaches to mental peace.
Western psychology calls it detachment.
Our philosophies explain it with even greater depth.
The Buddha’s Teaching of Impermanence
One of Gautam Buddha’s central teachings is that everything is temporary.
The main cause of our suffering is trying to make temporary things permanent.
When we understand that change is the law of nature, letting go becomes easier.
Trying to hold a flowing river is foolish.
Moving with its flow is wisdom.
The Bhagavad Gita and Selfless Action
In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna says: you have the right to action, but not to the fruits of action.
We become so attached to results that we forget to enjoy the process.
Letting go of attachment to outcomes is true freedom.
8. Case Studies (Representative Real Examples)
Maintaining confidentiality, here are a few representative examples.
Case 1: The Career Trap
A 35-year-old “Ramesh” (name changed) was a senior banker.
But he lived in daily stress.
He loved painting, yet spent 10 years thinking, “A bank job is secure.”
Eventually, he developed high blood pressure and anxiety.
After therapy, he understood he was living for society.
He gradually left banking and opened an art studio.
His income was lower at first, but he stopped needing medication and felt happy.
Here, letting go of attachment to a “secure job” was necessary for health.
Case 2: The Toxic Partner
A 28-year-old “Sita” loved a man for five years who constantly belittled her.
She believed, “Love changes people.”
After five years, she fell into depression.
When she let go of the stubborn belief that she could change him and ended the relationship, the first three months felt like hell.
But after one year, she said, “If I had not left that day, I would not be alive today.”
Conclusion
Letting go is not a one-time event.
It is a daily practice.
Some things must be left today.
Some things must be released gradually.
Look at the leaves of a tree.
When autumn comes, the tree does not fear letting go of old leaves.
Because it knows that unless old leaves fall, new buds cannot grow.
For spring to arrive in your life, acceptance of autumn is necessary.
Are you sitting with your fist clenched?
Open your fist.
Yes, your hands will feel empty.
But remember: only empty hands can receive new gifts.
Your mental peace, your physical health, and your future are far more valuable than that single burden you have been carrying.
Ask yourself today: “What is stopping me from moving forward?”
And lovingly let it go.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Does letting go mean not loving?
Answer: No.
Sometimes we love someone deeply, but staying with them harms our health.
“I love you, but I cannot let myself drink poison.”
That is mature love.
Even from a distance, you can wish someone well.
I am afraid of being alone. What should I do?
Answer: Loneliness felt with the wrong person or in the wrong place is more harmful than being alone.
Solitude is often much healthier than loneliness in a crowd.
Being alone can reconnect you with yourself.
How long does it take to let go?
Answer: There is no fixed timeframe.
It is a process.
Sometimes it can be two steps forward and one step back.
Be patient with yourself.
Mental Health